The following is an excerpt from a new work in progress. The working title is “A Divinely Romantic Kingdom Love Story.” The podcast of this reading is also available on Anchor.fm. The links are posted below.

Unless you happen to be acquainted with my heart expressions, the following content may seem to be a bit too personal or adult-themed. Of a certainty, the content is quite raw in its transparency. If you feel a trifle uncomfortable, trust me, I understand. You see, I feel as though my own heart is being exposed both to those that will embrace these words as well as those that prefer to remain on the sidelines as gawkers and talkers. Nevertheless, I’ll risk it.

I invite you to stay with me for as long as you can, I want to share from the heart of God. 🙂

The first Sunday morning in 2022 I awakened from my sleep with a deep longing in my heart. I was filled with the desire to show and tell my (yet to be known) husband how much I love him. The desire to talk to him was so intense that I almost wanted to cry. As I thought of this God-chosen man of mine I felt cascades of emotion as a firestorm of words flowed through me.

“I love you. I miss you. I want you. I need you. I want to hold your hand, look into your eyes, hear your voice in my ear. To laugh with you, talk with you, and walk with you is my strong desire. I want to live with you, work with you, flirt with you, dream, dance and play, romance and make love with you. You’re my everyday partner, lover, and most beloved covenant friend. It’s you that I plan, strategize, troubleshoot, train and workout with.

You’re the one I fight for and alongside. In every possible way you will know that you are a joy to my heart, a delight to my eyes, music to my ears, peace for my spirit, and satisfaction to my heart. I am your change agent, your baby girl, your cheerleader, lover, study buddy, intercessor, confidante, and safe place to rest and be restored. I want others to look at you and know that in my eyes and heart you are honored as a gift, my precious treasure, my very well-loved, esteemed, and appreciated man.”

“…It is you I long for, with no veil between us!”

These words from the Passion Translation version of Songs 1:7 vibrated within me. As though I embodied the song of the beloved, I was dripping with passion and love for this man. I wanted to grab him, shower him with kisses, tell him and then show him how much I love him. I wanted to shout it to the whole world, to be able to point to him and publicly say, “This is the man that I love!”

It was such an intense, overwhelming sense of longing that I experienced that I was almost in despair. I went from rapturous joy to heart pain. I felt like the bride at the end of Songs 3:1,

“…How my heart now aches for him, but he is nowhere to be found!”

And so I asked the Father, “What is this about?”

And what He said to me pierced my heart. I felt and still feel it intensely weeks later as I write these words. My Heavenly Father let me know that in that moment of intense love, longing, separation, and passionate desire to be with my yet to be revealed beloved, I had been given the opportunity to feel God’s heart for all of mankind. Father told me,

“This is how I feel about My people. I want the whole world to know how much I love them. I long for them, I love them. I want to point to them and claim them as My own. I want to shower them with My love, to change their name from desolate and forsaken to claim as My delight and married. I cherish you.

I want My own people to experience in their daily lives what it really means to be loved by Me.”

As I listened to Him, my heart received the picture and understanding of what He was saying in Isaiah 62:3-5. It was intense. Beautiful. Desirous. Breathtaking. Painful. Almost heartbreaking in power and intentional commitment. Oh, how He loves us! He really, truly loves us! But we don’t really know how much. Yet.

You shall also be [so beautiful and prosperous as to be thought of as] a crown of glory and honor in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem [exceedingly beautiful] in the hand of your God. 4  You shall no more be termed Forsaken, nor shall your land be called Desolate any more. But you shall be called Hephzibah [My delight is in her], and your land be called Beulah [married]; for the Lord delights in you, and your land shall be married [owned and protected by the Lord]. 5  For as a young man marries a virgin, so shall your sons marry you; and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.

But the raw truth is we’re skittish like virgins on our wedding night. We want to be loved, but the aroused state of His passion is awesomely terrifying. We want Him, but we don’t know what He’s going to do with us. Hahaha. I have to laugh because that’s my own reality uncovered. I have been single for more years than I was ever married. I no longer know the ways of a man with a woman.:)

So my heart speaks to Him, “Oh Lord, I want You. But You’re so big, so passionate, so perfect and compelling. I want to run and hide from You. But I want to stay with You, I don’t want to be separated from You for a single moment. You’re my breath. But I feel so inadequate, so imperfect and ugly. When You see me naked before You, will You still want me?“

And my hidden thoughts exposed to print bring me to decisive tears. “I trust You. I believe You. I will take the leap, right into Your everlasting arms. I will let You touch me in my hidden places. I will let You bring me to the place beyond my inhibitions, where I am emptied of myself and exquisitely filled with rapturous, expressed passion for You.

Yes. You will teach me how to truly become Your lover bride wife.”

We can get so caught up in the need to be someone, have someone, prove to someone, and so on that we miss the understanding of “seek first”. We are privileged to be able to rest in God’s Presence, an actual place to abide, but we often do not exercise our privilege. We fear and speak more of sickness, disease, poverty, lack, and loneliness than we develop in the belief of His heart that these are all things that He has eternally overcome. So we do not see clearly.

Alas, our lack of understanding causes us to suffer needlessly, and sometimes we miss out on the victory He has provided for us because we don’t allow His heart to touch us. And oh, how He wants others to see what it looks like to be loved by God. He wants to manifest His goodness through us. He wants to transform us by His love. And I can see that to have our very appearance changed as He gets our wholehearted surrendered response to His passion for us is not just a goal. It is a real possibility. It’s what He really, really wants to do.

Maybe you can hear Him speaking…

“I love you. I miss you. I want you. I want to hold your hand, look into your eyes, listen to your voice as you talk to Me, laugh with you, talk with you, walk with you, live with you, work with you, embrace you, dance and play with you, and be the Love that moves in you. I want you to embrace Me, put your arms around Me and hold Me tight. I Am your Defender, I fight for and through you, and in every possible way I let it be known to you and everyone else that you are pure joy to My heart, a visual delight to My eyes, glorious music to My ears, resonate harmony with My spirit, and the rhythmical chord in step with My heart. I want to be your Change Agent – I want others to look at you and know that you are a well-loved son and lover of God.”

And so, now I know. Just as my own heart and being are filled with love and desire for my own beloved one, just as one day I will show and tell him how much I love him, and receive the same passionate response from him. In those days I will not hide what is true from him or anyone else. And yes, when they see us, the whole world (if they care to look) will see a woman that is well-loved by her man. And a man that is well-loved by this woman. Indeed, the whole of creation will know how much he is desired, adored, honored, esteemed, and thoroughly venerated and loved by me.

Because I now know from within my inner self a few of the ways that our Father wants to pour out His desire upon us. I now know that He intends to show others what the life and appearance of a man or woman look like when they allow the eternal God to express His love in the manner that pleases Him. I know that it is possible to allow God to love me. I can actually choose to allow Him to lavish His affection upon me. Me!

Can you see what it will look like as we each make the decision to please Him the way He wants us to? Can you embrace the knowledge that He is delighted to fulfill His own desire toward us? Can you imagine what the people of this world will see as we allow our Father to do what He wants to do, the way that He wants to do it? Imagine. Look to see. Look, it’s a beautiful portrayal of Heaven’s goodness on the earth.

Will you tell Him “Yes”?

         “Listen, my dearest darling, you are so beautiful—you are beauty itself to me! Your eyes glisten with love, like gentle doves behind your veil. What devotion I see each time I gaze upon you. You are like a sacrifice ready to be offered. When I look at you, I see how you have taken my fruit and tasted my word. Your life has become clean and pure like a lamb washed and newly shorn. You now show grace and balance with truth on display. Your lips are as lovely as Rahab’s scarlet ribbon, speaking mercy, speaking grace. The words of your mouth are as refreshing as an oasis. What pleasure you bring to me! I see your blushing cheeks opened like the halves of a pomegranate, showing through your veil of tender meekness. When I look at you, I see your inner strength, so stately and strong. You are as secure as David’s fortress. Your virtues and grace cause a thousand famous soldiers to surrender to your beauty. Your pure faith and love rest over your heart as you nurture those who are yet infants.

I’ve made up my mind. Until the darkness disappears and the dawn has fully come, in spite of shadows and fears, I will go to the mountaintop with you—the mountain of suffering love and the hill of burning incense. Yes, I will be your bride.

Every part of you is so beautiful, my darling. Perfect is your beauty, without flaw within. Now you are ready, my bride, to come with me as we climb the highest peaks together. Come with me through the archway of trust. We will look down from the crest of the glistening mounts and from the summit of our sublime sanctuary. Together we will wage war in the lion’s den and the leopard’s lair as they watch nightly for their prey. For you reach into my heart. With one flash of your eyes I am undone by your love, my beloved, my equal, my bride. You leave me breathless—I am overcome by merely a glance from your worshiping eyes, for you have stolen my heart. I am held hostage by your love and by the graces of righteousness shining upon you. How satisfying to me, my equal, my bride. Your love is my finest wine—intoxicating and thrilling. And your sweet, perfumed praises—so exotic, so pleasing. Your loving words are like the honeycomb to me; your tongue releases milk and honey, for I find the Promised Land flowing within you. The fragrance of your worshiping love surrounds you with scented robes of white. My darling bride, my private paradise, fastened to my heart. A secret spring are you that no one else can have—my bubbling fountain hidden from public view. What a perfect partner to me now that I have you. Your inward life is now sprouting, bringing forth fruit. What a beautiful paradise unfolds within you. When I’m near you, I smell aromas of the finest spice, for many clusters of my exquisite fruit now grow within your inner garden. Here are the nine: pomegranates of passion, henna from heaven, spikenard so sweet, saffron shining, fragrant calamus from the cross, sacred cinnamon, branches of scented woods, myrrh, like tears from a tree, and aloe as eagles ascending.

Your life flows into mine, pure as a garden spring. A well of living water springs up from within you, like a mountain brook flowing into my heart! Then may your awakening breath blow upon my life until I am fully yours. Breathe upon me with your Spirit wind. Stir up the sweet spice of your life within me. Spare nothing as you make me your fruitful garden. Hold nothing back until I release your fragrance. Come walk with me as you walked with Adam in your paradise garden. Come taste the fruits of your life in me.

I have come to you, my darling bride, for you are my paradise garden! Come walk with me until I am fully yours. Come taste the fruits of your life in me. Song of Songs 4

I implore you, beloved of God. Let His love transform your life from secular mediocrity to Divine reality. Not just “Have Thine Own Way, Lord” as a lip service song. No! Let the melodic vitality of His love compel you to run to Him with outstretched arms like a bride eager to become a wife rushes to the altar. Allow your heart to be stripped of pretense. Ask Him to teach you how to yield to His love. Then do it! Yield to His love. This is pure unbridled passion, untainted by any worldly interpretation.

Tell Him that you’re ready to learn how to let Him love you. You’re ready to learn how to receive Him without the barrier of your mind. Instead, you’ll let the mind of Christ Jesus transform you until your every form of understanding yields to the Father’s will. That’s what I tell Him.

“I choose to let You lavish Your love upon me. I choose to yield to You. Help me not to miss out on another moment of Your satisfying Presence. Enlarge my capacity to receive Your love again and again and again throughout the rest of my days. And overflow this great Love within me to flow out to others. Lord, I agree to allow You to make my life a showcase of Your goodness so that those that do not yet know You are moved to willingly open wide their arms and say ‘YES’ to You.”

“Yes, Lord. I’ve made my choice for this year and the rest of my days. It’s not “Yes, Lord” as usual. No! It is “Yes, Lord!” with every breath that I take. It’s the intimately whispered “Yes” of the bedchamber. The opening of myself to let You in, and to let You love me as You desire.

I say “Yes”, as a bride to her new husband. I inhale deeply to breathe in Your scent, receive You, submit to You, embrace You, and be kissed by You. I give you the eternal “Yes” that you desire from me. The submitted affirmative to Your every desire that is so transparent it discomfits any onlooker as my surrender to You is expressed.”

“Now, oh Lord, I give You leave to demonstrate Your love for me.”

Podcast available on Anchor.fm.

Copyright © 2022 Lonzine L. Lee Dominion Unlimited Publications